10 WAYS TO KNOW YOU’RE NOT YET OVER YOUR EX

10. You run away
Are you avoiding your ex at all cost? Does hearing your ex’s name gives you a kick? Are you drowning yourself in alcohol, jumping from one club to another pretending to be having fun as a way of moving on? You haven’t truly moved on until you can look back at your past and your past doesn’t move you. You should bump into your ex in the streets and feel nothing- say hi and move on with your life instead of reminiscing. Running away is a sign of denial.

619. You compare your new lover with your ex
Do you find yourself measuring your current lover with your ex? Those are clear signs of you missing your past. Move on or go back, make up your mind.

sweerie don't look behind, but i think they are talking about us8. You become a stalker
A private eye you have become. Obsessed with tracking your ex’s movements, what your ex posts on Facebook and social media, questioning if your ex is happy without you?

john wesley7. You keep recalling the past
Do you find yourself going through the old messages your ex sent you? Staring at your old pictures together? You still have that box safely hidden with the special gifts your ex gave you? Do you find yourself fighting the desire to pick up the phone to call your ex? Wondering how you two would have been if you remained a couple?

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6. You are jealous
Do you feel a bad taste in your mouth when you see or hear your ex with someone? Do you compare your ex’s current lover with yourself, of course saying how pathetic your ex’s new lover is unlike you? Are you planning on destroying your ex’s new relationship?

she's missing her king5. You bad mouth your ex
Some will do everything to ruin the reputation of their ex. They will unveil all the ex’s dirty secrets to the world, make up false stories, exaggerate the ex’s flaw to ruin the ex’s reputation before the public. These are the type who will post private photos and videos of the ex online. You have not moved on if you have not forgiven.

inspekat mwala

4. You move on too quickly
Some will jump into a new relationship, get married quickly, use a new lover as a desperate attempt to forget their ex. They will force themselves on someone new, force love. Rushing because they want to go into a new relationship before the ex does too; thinking that it will be tragic to remain single yet the ex finds someone new, gets married and starts a family. In the end, they hurt, their victim of a lover hurts and their forced relationship sucks. Do you find yourself wanting to show your ex how happy you are without him/ her? Go into a new relationship because you are truly in love, not to get back at your ex or to bandage your true suppressed feelings. That is unfair to your new lover. Give yourself time to heal.

kipusa kwenye balcony3. You use your child as an excuse
Some will device traps using the child as bait. They will use the child they have together with their ex as a bridge to their ex.

family car2. Your ex still turns you on
Do you still fantasize about your ex? You can’t stand looking your ex in the eye because you will melt? You will want to steal a kiss? Rip your ex’s clothes off? Live out your former explosive scenes? Is your ex still your definition of sexiness?

biro sketch1. You can’t attend your ex’s wedding
Would you turn down an invite to your ex’s wedding? Pretending to be busy? Do you refuse to go because you object to the marriage?…You know you will stand up when the officiator asks “Is is there anyone with any reason why these two should not wed?”

tania


 

To read more of Dayan Masinde’s writing on love, you may purchase “WHEN ANGELS MAKE LOVE”- poetry book by Dayan Masinde on Amazon. Click on this link for direction http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JVUQAPY

WHEN ANGELS MAKE LOVE 2

10 PEOPLE YOU SHOULD MEET BEFORE YOU FIND YOUR TRUE LOVER

10. Your first crush, your first love
We often hope the first person our hearts fall in love with would be our true lover, but often, the first person we have a crush on and grow to love is the one who opens us up. He/she is the one who gives us courage to trust someone, to love someone, that person introduces us to love. The first heartbreak is often the most painful because love was a foreign experience and breaking up also a foreign experience. But this is an opportunity for our heart to gain muscle, strength and maturity.

m'hoyah moh9. The pursuants
These are the people who pursue us, the secret admirers and the vocal people who woo us, the people who ask for your number, ask you out on a date, try to flirt with you, stare at you when you walk yet you know nothing can go on between you and any one of them. We all need to feel wanted, chased after and desired. This people come to our life to show us we have something admirable that people see and crave for. So lady, if men are ogling at you just because of your boobs, ass, eyes, fame or wealth; men, if women are drooling over you just because of your abs, eyes, smile, riches or physique, don’t worry, they belong in this category. Don’t let this people get to your head and fill you with pride, don’t be foolish to be distracted by them.

i will love you no matter what8. The heartbreaker
This is the person or people who will break your heart and crush you. The person/ people who will betray you, cheat on you, beat you, reject you, abandon you, insult you, lie to you and do things a true lover would never do. This is a test, a test to teach you what you shouldn’t do to your true lover when you meet, a test to see how strong you are, a test to show you what love is not so that you know what love is when true love finally comes along. This person/ people will leave you with a scar/s to heal. Love doesn’t hurt people, people hurt people. If someone damaged you, it’s not because love is wrong, but your choice was wrong.

binti afrique7. The model father, model mother
In a world where many parents have failed their children, you need a model father and a model mother to be your benchmark of who a good parent and spouse is, whether this parent is your own or not. So your father was never there or failed you as a child, lady you need a model father figure you can admire; man you need a model father figure to inspire you. Whether or not your mother was around or good to you, lady you need a model mother to emulate; man you need a model mother to teach you who a woman really is. There is a lot of bashing of the sexes going on in this generation because of childhood pain. If you take that pain and bundle of stereotypes into your relationship it will be the lenses that you view your true lover through, leading to conflict and misunderstandings.

family car6. The naysayers
These are the people who have given up on love, people who will talk down on love. They will discourage you from believing in love. You will look at their life and see how messed up their love life is- failed marriages, divorces, drama and emotional damage. They are the people who call on radio and TV and advertise how marriages are failing. They will come to test you, will your faith in love emerge strong or will it be extinguished and you join the club of the ones who have given up on love?

sitting on top of the world5. The one you cannot have
This is the person who will have all the right qualities but you two cannot be a couple. Either because they are not ready for a relationship, you are not ready for a relationship, they are already taken, they are too far and long-distance relationship cannot work, age difference, are of a different religion, strains between your family and their family, or things just don’t seem to work out. This person comes to make you believe true love is possible, that there are still good men/ women in this world.

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4. God
You need to meet God, the one who created you, the one who will guide you. God is the one who has kept your true lover in a safe place, God is the key. First have a good relationship with God, and then seek to have a good relationship with a human lover. If you want a love made in Heaven, you must involve the one who abodes in Heaven.

189601_1937924407777_4560307_n3. Yourself
There is nothing as difficult and risky as loving someone who doesn’t know who they are. That kind of person is unstable, easily swayed, they lack values and principles. Before you find your true lover, find yourself first. Know who you are. Let your true lover not find you disorganised and a mess. Finding yourself will make you attractive and it will inform you of what kind of a lover you need. How can you find if you don’t know what you’re looking for?

592. The true friend
Life is not just about romance and all things sexual. You need a true friend whether of the same or opposite sex. Someone you can count on, someone to look out for you. This true friend will either turn out to be your true lover in disguise or will be the one who escorts you to your true lover and be the greatest support of the true love you will find.

inspekat mwala1. The tempter
This is the person you lust after, either sexually or emotionally but you shouldn’t. This is the married person who wants an affair with you, or the person in a relationship who melts your heart. The wrong one. The line you shouldn’t cross. This person looks appealing but you know it’s dangerous. This person comes to weigh your character and the substance you are made of. If you are strong, you will avoid; but in case you have already fallen for their trap you can get out, it’s not too late. If you can handle this person maturely, you will handle your true lover/ your marriage well. This is the ultimate test of faithfulness. If you can be faithful when you are single, you can be faithful when in a relationship/ married. If you can respect someone else’s marriage/ relationship, you will respect your own.

autograph on my heart


 

To read more of Dayan Masinde’s writing on love, you may purchase “WHEN ANGELS MAKE LOVE”- poetry book by Dayan Masinde on Amazon. Click on this link for direction http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JVUQAPY

WHEN ANGELS MAKE LOVE 2

10 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER TELL YOUR LOVER

10. “You’re not like my ex”

Never make your lover feel compared with your ex. Never make the one you have given your heart feel in competition with your former lover. Some in new relationships can’t stop talking about their ex, they go on dates and talk about their ex, in the middle of a conversation they mention their ex, “My ex used to do this”, “My ex used to take me there”. What are you doing with someone who is not better than your ex?

 

Equally worse is comparing your relationship with that of others, wishing your relationship/ marriage would be similar to that of your friends or the celebrity couple you admire. Instead of comparing, work on your love-life together?

379. “You look fat”

Ok, so your lover has gained weight or slimmed drastically. Your lover’s physique is no longer appealing. Don’t attack the body that carries the heart that loves you. Note that changes are bound to happen to all bodies. To inspire your lover to get a good figure, praise them, mention your concern for his/ her health, feed your lover to size or join your lover at the gym. Let your lover feel you are present in his/her make over, if you attack, you will not inspire a make over, you will only destroy your lover’s self esteem and build a wall between you two.

she's missing her king8. “You are lazy”

We all want a hardworking lover, a successful partner. Before you commit, choose a lover with ambition and passion, a lover with inner drive. But what happens when you notice your spouse has become a lazy bum, when you feel you are the only one doing everything? Don’t shout the words “You good for nothing” thinking that will push your lover to change. Instead, talk with your lover, find out what went wrong, is your lover going through something? Find out your lover’s dream; see if you can inject hope. We all have our low moments. Love is powerful, powerful enough to bring out the best in us.

on my back7. “You always mess up”

Never use the word “always”, unless it’s in a positive statement like “I will always love you”. Never make your lover feel you are focusing only on the mess he/she has done today and the good your lover has done before no longer counts to you. The truth is, that person is your lover because you saw lots of good in them. Be like God; don’t attack the person, attack the sin.

serene dayan6. “F**k you”

Watch your tongue when you are angry. When a fight breaks out, wrong words can be easily used, insults surge at the tip of the tongue. No matter how bad things get between you two, never insult, never curse your love, never say “I hate you”, never say “F**k you” unless your lover loves it when you talk dirty and you saying “I want to f**k you” is a turn on.

615. “I wish I never knew you”

Relationships can reach the lowest, but never make your lover think you regret being in that relationship. If you are going to say this, say this when you are out of the relationship, not in. But remember even the worst of relationships can end up teaching us something.

planting kisses4.”That’s not my baby”

Men are famous for doing this, some men, not all. When your woman comes to tell you she is pregnant, don’t let your tongue run loose and deny the child without proof, yet you have been sleeping together. The child may not yet be born but still feels your rejection. Such words can’t be taken back. Don’t expect to deny the child at conception and years later come around saying “I want to see my baby” after the baby has grown to a wonder while you were absent.

feed the baby dear, i shall feed you3. “I told you so”

Never belittle your lover. Never laugh or gloat at the demise of your lover and rub it in. Don’t keep reminding your lover of his/ her mistakes. You must live up to the true definition of a lover and walk your lover back to a safe zone, back to rising again. Whatever affects your lover should affect you too. Don’t isolate your lover saying “How could you be so stupid? You never learn”

sweerie don't look behind, but i think they are talking about us2. “Your sex is boring”

We all want to feel like we are sex symbols to our partner, that our spouse looks at us and sees sexiness. That we touch the right way and give good sex to our one and only. But if your partner is not pushing your buttons right don’t say it out so casually. Once our sexiness is trampled upon, that marks the death of our sex-life. First, be sexy to your partner; before you desire your partner to bring his/ her “A” game make sure you’re bringing yours. Second, lead your partner on how to please you. Say what you like as you give your partner what he/ she likes. Try new things. Have an affair with each other. Most of all, love each other deeply when your are both clothed up. It’s easy to unleash our sexiness to the person we feel our heart is safe with.

kissing my way to my wife's twin grapes1. “Your family is pathetic”

Never attack any member of your lover’s family. Never be the reason there is a rift between you and your in-laws. Show some effort in reaching out to your in-laws. Even if your partner’s family is not as welcoming, let your partner see you stretching a hand, praying for them or offering solutions not listing their flaws. Don’t attack the family you are planning on joining or the one you have already joined in marriage for the rest of your life.

muthoni garland


To read more of Dayan Masinde’s thoughts on love, download for free “WHEN ANGELS MAKE LOVE”- poetry book by Dayan Masinde on http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JVUQAPY

WHEN ANGELS MAKE LOVE 2

WHEN ANGELS MAKE LOVE 2