10. “You’re not like my ex”
Never make your lover feel compared with your ex. Never make the one you have given your heart feel in competition with your former lover. Some in new relationships can’t stop talking about their ex, they go on dates and talk about their ex, in the middle of a conversation they mention their ex, “My ex used to do this”, “My ex used to take me there”. What are you doing with someone who is not better than your ex?
Equally worse is comparing your relationship with that of others, wishing your relationship/ marriage would be similar to that of your friends or the celebrity couple you admire. Instead of comparing, work on your love-life together?
Ok, so your lover has gained weight or slimmed drastically. Your lover’s physique is no longer appealing. Don’t attack the body that carries the heart that loves you. Note that changes are bound to happen to all bodies. To inspire your lover to get a good figure, praise them, mention your concern for his/ her health, feed your lover to size or join your lover at the gym. Let your lover feel you are present in his/her make over, if you attack, you will not inspire a make over, you will only destroy your lover’s self esteem and build a wall between you two.
We all want a hardworking lover, a successful partner. Before you commit, choose a lover with ambition and passion, a lover with inner drive. But what happens when you notice your spouse has become a lazy bum, when you feel you are the only one doing everything? Don’t shout the words “You good for nothing” thinking that will push your lover to change. Instead, talk with your lover, find out what went wrong, is your lover going through something? Find out your lover’s dream; see if you can inject hope. We all have our low moments. Love is powerful, powerful enough to bring out the best in us.
Never use the word “always”, unless it’s in a positive statement like “I will always love you”. Never make your lover feel you are focusing only on the mess he/she has done today and the good your lover has done before no longer counts to you. The truth is, that person is your lover because you saw lots of good in them. Be like God; don’t attack the person, attack the sin.
Watch your tongue when you are angry. When a fight breaks out, wrong words can be easily used, insults surge at the tip of the tongue. No matter how bad things get between you two, never insult, never curse your love, never say “I hate you”, never say “F**k you” unless your lover loves it when you talk dirty and you saying “I want to f**k you” is a turn on.
Relationships can reach the lowest, but never make your lover think you regret being in that relationship. If you are going to say this, say this when you are out of the relationship, not in. But remember even the worst of relationships can end up teaching us something.
Men are famous for doing this, some men, not all. When your woman comes to tell you she is pregnant, don’t let your tongue run loose and deny the child without proof, yet you have been sleeping together. The child may not yet be born but still feels your rejection. Such words can’t be taken back. Don’t expect to deny the child at conception and years later come around saying “I want to see my baby” after the baby has grown to a wonder while you were absent.
Never belittle your lover. Never laugh or gloat at the demise of your lover and rub it in. Don’t keep reminding your lover of his/ her mistakes. You must live up to the true definition of a lover and walk your lover back to a safe zone, back to rising again. Whatever affects your lover should affect you too. Don’t isolate your lover saying “How could you be so stupid? You never learn”
We all want to feel like we are sex symbols to our partner, that our spouse looks at us and sees sexiness. That we touch the right way and give good sex to our one and only. But if your partner is not pushing your buttons right don’t say it out so casually. Once our sexiness is trampled upon, that marks the death of our sex-life. First, be sexy to your partner; before you desire your partner to bring his/ her “A” game make sure you’re bringing yours. Second, lead your partner on how to please you. Say what you like as you give your partner what he/ she likes. Try new things. Have an affair with each other. Most of all, love each other deeply when your are both clothed up. It’s easy to unleash our sexiness to the person we feel our heart is safe with.
Never attack any member of your lover’s family. Never be the reason there is a rift between you and your in-laws. Show some effort in reaching out to your in-laws. Even if your partner’s family is not as welcoming, let your partner see you stretching a hand, praying for them or offering solutions not listing their flaws. Don’t attack the family you are planning on joining or the one you have already joined in marriage for the rest of your life.
To read more of Dayan Masinde’s thoughts on love, download for free “WHEN ANGELS MAKE LOVE”- poetry book by Dayan Masinde on http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JVUQAPY